Nice Guys Finish Last?

The eternal struggle between good and evil is still so actively controlling my life right now. In the post below, I mention the two sides of me and the different roles they play in my life. This remains true today. But as I try to keep the good side controlling the bad, I realize that it is a harder task than I imagined. Not because I am evil by nature, natural but not evil, but because the good side of me always seems to finish in last place.

“All guys are the same!” Whenever I hear these words come out of a girl’s mouth, I always cringe with disgust and my natural response is to point out their obvious delusional state. But I don’t. I always ask why they think this is and the responses are always the same. Some guy played with their feelings and blah blah blah, yadda yadda yadda… for the most part, they have a valid point and I don’t blame them for their hostile feelings towards my gender. But is that really true? Of course it’s not! You see, the problem with most women who say something like that is that they always fall for that same type of guy. It’s almost comical once you dissect the situation. They get hurt, they vow to never fall for someone like that again, along comes Pete with his charming good looks and nice car, they are instantly attracted to him and they fall for the guy even though he seems to be EXACTLY the same as the one before. But they don’t see that, they are blinded by the outside and don’t seem to take the time to check out the inside. They get hurt; they curse the world and out comes the phrase, “ALL GUYS ARE THE SAME!” Does anyone else find this ridiculous?

No Sally, guys are not all the same. You are just falling for the same type of guy. Why is that? I have seen both sides. I have been the jerk, the player, the guy who won’t commit and who is self centered and selfish. I have been there. You know what disgusts me about that? It was during that time in my life when I was dating like crazy! It was as if women WANTED that, they liked the bad boy that had that dark mysterious crazy look in his eyes, the guy who didn’t call when he said he would and broke many promises. They liked the passionate fights and the arguing, they liked being on their toes and worrying who I had been with the night before… does anyone else find this strange?

Well I refuse to go back to that. I have so many girl friends whose lives have been torn by guys who have crushed their self esteem and worth. I know of so many women who have cried themselves to sleep because some jerk who played with their feelings, some guy who promised them the world and gave them crap in return. I have two sisters, fortunately for me the oldest one is married to an incredible guy who respects her and loves her dearly. The younger one is who I lose sleep over. I constantly worry about her well being and hope that no man hurts her. I would not hesistate to brake someone's legs if they broke her heart. My sisters have kept me from falling into that role of jerk and player. I am far from perfect but I try to be the gentleman that my mother struggled to raise.

So a message to all women: guys are not the all the same, there are some incredible men out there who will treat you like a Princess, guys who will respect you and pay for all your meals and will never lie to you. They are out there I promise. If you are worried that nice guys aren’t fun, I can assure you that they are. Do yourself a favor and show the world that nice guys are still desired and go out with one for a change! Guys: enough is enough. We need to change our perspective of what a man is. A man does not cheat on his woman; he doesn’t lie to her to cover up something ridiculous he did. A man pays for dinner, opens the door, compliments on how beautiful she looks. He takes care of her and protects her and will never let anyone else say a single negative word about her. This is what being a man is.

May the New Year bring us the opportunity to start over with a clean slate and accomplish the goals we have set forth. God bless you all, my readers.

The 2 Men Inside...

I have noticed that as I get older, my outlook on life is improving. Is this what they call growing up? I don’t really want to call it that because I pride myself in having the spirit of a small child. Sure, some aspects of my life are extremely grown up, like the fact that I always seem to get jobs normally fit for men having a mid life crisis. But, other than my passion for hard work, I feel like I am far from being a responsible adult capable of adult thinking. I am someone who is always struggling between the two people who live inside me (no I am not bi-polar, at least I haven’t been diagnosed officially just yet) but let me tell you about the two people who dwell inside…


I have always thought of myself as a religious person. When I want to be and when I apply myself, I can be a very a motivating and righteous person. I love to give talks, I love teaching the gospel, I love to do missionary work and visit those in need. I love to study the scriptures. The Book of Mormon is one of my favorite books to read, I love the stories that I can apply to my everyday life. I love learning facts about the LDS church and to share those with people. One of my favorite things to do is to help those in financial need. I have always been blessed with a good job that gives me more than I need and I truly feel that I have been given this talent so I could help others. I love to spoil my family with gifts, especially my little sister. I love to give service and I am happiest when I am helping others. This man I like to call Brother Disraeli. Brother Disraeli is very respectful of women, never lets a girl pay for anything, even if she is just a friend. He will open the door, will give up his seat when the need arises, and will hold hands and kiss on the cheek attempting anything else. This person inside me is a hopeless romantic and loves to be charming and to romance the woman he is with. He listens to music like Jason Mraz and Paolo Nutini and sings along in the car, he’s even been known to sing girls to sleep over the phone. Brother Disraeli is a very nice guy; he is very patient and all very polite with others.


But then there is Dis, just Dis. Dis is extremely funny; he loves to make people laugh and feeds off that laughter. Unfortunately sometimes his jokes are a bit inappropriate, especially since I come from a very conservative LDS family. Dis is the guy who hates having to go to church for 3 straight hours and if he could, he would change it so he only had to go for sacrament meeting. He is the guy who at church, changes the lyrics to the hymns to make his sister laugh and who acts like a child. He will fall asleep during the meeting and bribe his family with money so they scratch his back. Dis loves movies and owns many rated R films with no regret or remorse and has been known to say “an angel could come down and ask me to stop watching them and I would for a week or so and I would go back…” Dis has a potty mouth, he is known to throw in swears into his conversation and not censoring his words. Dis loves women! He hates the thought of settling down because there are so many women in the world and so little time! This is the person who keeps him from having any meaningful relationships because he is always looking for something else. He is the one who loves to make out and prides himself in being really good at it. He walks around cocky and always has to own nice things, expensive clothes, and cool gadgets. He has a temper, if you get him mad he will be your worst enemy. He is passionate so his relationships are usually very intense with extreme highs and lows. He is rebellious in many aspects; he questions some doctrine in the LDS church and hates the self righteous atmosphere that Utah has crated. He loves to defy his parent’s authority and in years past has been a major headache for them. He listens to hard rock bands like Ozzy, Korn, 10 Years, and Rob Zombie. He is the life of the party and is always haunted by past temptations.

So now the only question left is, which person have you encountered? Have you met Brother Disraeli, the nice guy who for the most part feels like he gets walked on for being so nice. Or have you met Dis and peed your pants from the stupid funny things he says? I guess a good balance of the two people would be a good thing, but for now I struggle to keep them both in check and hope that in the course of taming both sides I have not offended or hurt people. Happy holidays my readers, may the gods bless you and help you in your struggles.

I know, its been ages since I last blogged, and I did say that last time. And its not that I have been busy, sure there have been some major changes lately that have kept me from updating this, but come on... I have been on vacation for 3 weeks, so this was long over due.

To be honest the reason why I am even writing this is to get a few thoughts down that have been bugging at me these past few days. It is a lesson that I have learned that has cost me quite a while to understand, and even though I don't understand it completely, I feel like I have gotten much better at this little concept.

I have learned that sometimes in life, you can't always have it all. That's it, fairly simple right? Well it has taken most my life to figure out why this happens and to not be upset by it. Let me give you an example. The last few weeks as many of you know, I lost my job. I was laid off and was upset at first knowing that my future with my current company would come to an end. But the event forced me out of the comfort zone I had gotten into, and with some time, I saw many blessings come my way, one in particular that I prefer to keep private. But in the middle of all the turmoil, there seemed to be a light at the end.

I come to find out that I was wrong, and things weren't exactly going the way I had pictured them. Now my old self would have been upset, depressed, mad at the world, but I'm not. Yes I am sad that I had it all wrong, a little heartbroken, but the Lord knows whats best for me, and He gave me this great job opportunity and a huge opportunity to give back to my family and take care of them as they struggle in this horrible economy. I am not mad at my Father because He knows what is best for me, and one day at His time, not mine, that aspect of my life will be the way that I deserve it, and I put my faith in Him to continue guiding me. One of the many lessons learned is that we should always be grateful for what we have, part of being grateful is to acknowledge those blessings no matter how small they are. Also, when things seem to be horrible and depressing, they are never as bad as we make them out to be, remember that, remember that everything can be fixed and time heals and there will be a light at the end of the tunnel quicker if we stay positive through the darkness.

Well my readers, the moral of the story is this: Life is beautiful, it is not perfect by any means. Yes there will be heartbreak, and not just once. There will be trials and tribulation, there will be times where you feel you want to throw in the towel, and its not bad to feel that way. BUT, what is important is to figure out how to get out of those feelings and move on and thank Heavenly Father for those experiences, because they exist to make us better and are proof of His love. He will pull through for you, He loves you. God bless you all.

Dis

A Much Needed Update...

Ok, so its been ages since I last blogged. Not because I don't have anything to say, but I have been busy trying to juggle so many things... maybe a small update is in place.

Well, life has been so insane lately, and I will share a few of the things that have been going on. But first, a small disclaimer: LOTS of things have been going on in my life lately, but some I will not make public because I either cherish them and want to keep them to a select few (sorry, the irony of it all is that if you read my posts most likely you are in the select few who know almost everything about me, but just in case...) or they are things I cant make public JUST yet. But anyway, here is the latest:

Church- Man oh man has life taken a completely new turn in this department. I haven't been this spiritually happy since I left Utah. Its been a rough year here in Arizona and those who know me know that I struggled for a few months, but I am happy to report that I am very much active and loving everything about it. I currently teach in the Elder's Quorum, a calling I have always loved... its not that I think I have things to teach, but I learn so much from having to prepare a lesson and looking for the Spirit to guide me, I love this calling. I am also the Fellowship dude, which reminds me that Heavenly Father must have a sense of humor... here I was complaining about not having anyone in Arizona and struggling to go to church everyday and feeling like the outcast, and He decides to put me in a spot to show that I wont do the same to others. I love Heavenly Father. Thank you for the opportunity :)

I also realize that just going Sundays to church is not enough anymore, I need some major help. So I have been going to FHE the last couple of times despite my fears and thoughts of cheesy white Mormons... but you know what? I have been enjoying it! Who would have thought? I can honestly say that I love my ward very very much. They are not like Utah Mormons, they really depend on each other for friendship and look for opportunities to hang and be around each other because they share the same values. I respect that so much and they have taught me that it doesn't matter if you are white or brown, rich or poor, cool or kinda dorky, trendy or a total slob, if you love the Lord and share the same values you are all brothers and sisters.

Then there is Institute. I went from teaching the Spanish Book of Mormon class to sitting in the English version on Tuesdays. If there is a place to feel old, its that class. Its filled with youngsters that look like they just graduated High School, but the teacher has a similar sense of humor as I do and it keep me going every Tuesday. I also enrolled in the Thursday evening class that so far I haven't had the chance to go to due to recent trips, but it is the Pearl of Great Price so I look forward to going tomorrow.

So that's the church update, and I feel its enough for today. But I leave you with a thought that has been on my mind the past few weeks. Life is what you make of it, most of the things around you, you will not be able to change no matter how hard you try. But what you can change is your attitude, the way that you see things, and the ability to ask the Lord to help you through everything. It is amazing what a little prayer and an attitude change can do for your happiness. You make your life what it is, just remember that you are never alone. God bless.

Dis

A letter to my future wife...

As I sit here and think about where my life is headed, I realize that as much as I try to avoid it, you will one day cross my path. I have tried to stay away from you, I have tried to not think about you and to just focus on me, but I realize that one day you will step into my life and change everything and so I accept that and I want you to know a few things.

I promise to take care of you. I promise that for the rest of our lives and beyond, you will be the most important person in my life. Not my parents, our children, my boss, or anyone will take more importance in my life than you. You will always be the most important person and thing that happens to me and I will make that obvious every day. I will take care of you financially, I am hard working and I am doing well for my self so far. I am ambitious and if I have to, I will work two jobs and support the family. You will never know a day with me where I am not busting tail to provide for you.

I will always protect you. I promise you that in these arms, you will always feel safe and secure. No one will be able to bring harm to you because I will always do anything to keep you from that. In my arms you will find strength to fight for you, but you will also find comfort and warmth for those times you just need to be held.

I promise to spoil you. You will always be my queen and I will always treat you as such. I have learned so much babe, so many experiences that have helped me be better for you and I know that it will always be important to me that you feel spoiled in every way possible.

I will always listen to you. Those nights where you just want to talk about your day at work, or how the kids behaved, I will listen to you always and you will forever have a chatting companion when you are with me. I promise that I will not be annoyed when you just want to cuddle and talk. I promise that I will not make fun of your silly stories about shopping and the problems between you and your girlfriends, I will always take everything you say important and you won’t ever have to fight for my attention.

I am not perfect. I have a past and there are things in my life I am not proud of. But the Lord has forgiven me and if you can find it in your heart to forgive me as well, I promise you that all those things I have lived will be so I can be a better husband and father. They will serve me as experience to know how to handle situations in our family. I promise you that I have become a better man because of it. I know we will fight, I know we will argue, but I promise you that I will never go to bed upset, I will work it out with you all night if I have to.

And finally, I promise to always love you with everything that I have. I promise to always show you that I care for you and love you. My words will not be alone; my actions will always dictate my love for you and what you mean to me. Everyone around us will know that I adore you and will be so jealous of our relationship, but none of that will matter, what matters is that you will be the happiest you have ever been everyday of our lives and for all eternity.

I promise you all these things and wait anxiously your arrival. Your future husband,

Disraeli

The Truth Always Comes Out...

I have noticed that I have turned this blog into a venting source rather than keeping track of my weight loss. I don’t know if it’s because I haven’t had too much to blog about as far as weight-loss is concerned, or that I am a whiny man who has a lot of issues to air out. All I know is that it feels great getting my thoughts and feelings out for the world to read!
This week I want to address the topic of telling the truth. It is such a simple concept but it is one of the hardest things that we as humans have to deal with, being truthful and honest in everything we do. We all lie, whether it’s a small fib or a double life, we all fall victims of this practice. I know I have.

When I was younger I lied to my parents, I lied about my grades, lied about skipping school, lied about breaking the mayo jar. I was a little hellion who had to cover up with stories that sometimes didn’t even make sense. I am not proud of it, although I would like to think that it was just my immature child in me that did all that, I tell myself that we all told a few lies here and there when we were kids.

As an adult I have found that the reasons why we lie have not changed much. Some people lie to make themselves look better. Some poor sap who hasn’t done anything in his life might show up at his high school reunion and say he is some big shot banker. We sometimes lie to cover our butts, like the woman who has been cheating on her husband and lies about who she was with the night before. Sometimes we lie because we are ashamed of the things we do, like that friend you all have who is hooked up with that girl no one likes and lies to everyone that he’s not with her but everyone knows he is. For whatever reason, we all lie, some less than others but we all do it. I know I have in my adulthood, lucky for me I admit to it so I have tried to do all I could to redeem myself for that.

Lying sucks, we do it and most of us feel bad about it, but when the thing about lying that I have learned is that the truth will always come out no matter what, and when it does it can hurt more than the lie itself. I have experienced that many times in my life, I have been lied to and then later on the truth comes out. I have lied and then later on had to confess and apologize. But some lies hurt more than others. Like for example, when I get married (which is not anytime soon) I hope that I can tell my future wife everything about my past, everything that might come up later that might hurt her, it’s her right to know. I have a shady past, I have made mistakes in my life, and I would want her to know everything so that if it ever comes up one day, she is not surprised. I would ask her to forgive me, as the Lord has forgiven me and if the truth was too much for her, then we would move on. But I most certainly would never lie to her, because a new family, a new married couple, cannot last based on lies. It just doesn’t work that way. My mother always told me that whatever starts bad, ends bad. It’s so true, so why start a new life, a new family based on lies?

We all make mistakes, it’s that natural man in us that surfaces and makes us do what we do, but we all have a part of our Heavenly Father with us as well, we are His children, literally. He sent His Son to die for our sins so that we may be with Him once again. If He has forgiven us, then that heavenly part inside us should be able to forgive others. But how can I be forgiven of what I have done if I keep it to myself? It is impossible, it can’t be done. My friends, I urge you that we pray for each other that we may be truthful at all times and that when we mess up, we have the strength to redeem and fix the wrongs we have done, but mostly, the strength and humility to forgive those who have wronged us. This world would be so much better if we were all like the innocent babies we once were. May God bless you all.

A Message To The Haters…

Throughout my life I have noticed that there will always be people who hate who I am, hate what I do, and hate what I stand for. These people are the ones who gossip about you, who talk bad about you, and who try to make your life a living hell. But what’s worse than those people are those who you think are your friends, but behind your backs are the ones tearing you down, whether they know it or not.

Recently in my job there have been a few events that have made me question the relationships I have with people. The first big experience I had was my promotion to Assistant Regional Sales Manager. I was working in the call center for a little over a year when I was offered this promotion. Now, not many people get to make as big a jump as I did, and of course it was shocking to so many that I was offered the position. What most don’t know is that I have had a lot of previous experience which helped me land the job, not only that, but I had worked hard to earn a trip to Arizona a few months prior which helped me prove myself to my current boss, Jonathan Hallstrom. But anyway, let me tell you about my first experience.

When I was offered the job, so many people came out and told me not to take it. Everyone seemed to have this idea of Jonathan as being a tyrannical dictator and they all said I wouldn’t last long working with him. What blows my mind is that some of the people telling me not to take the job are people whom Jonathan speaks highly of. One thing I have learned from Jonathan is to be humble in the face of adversity. Jonathan knew of an individual who was speaking badly of him, and rather than calling him out, he humbled himself and wrote him an email letting him know how much he appreciated what he does and who he is, this taught me that in the end, those who make it a point to put down and degrade others, will have to face and answer for it in the end and it is not our job to call judgment upon them. We all make mistakes, we all have our bad days, and we all see the world differently. We may do or say things that ruin relationships with others, but that do not necessarily reflect on our character. It is amazing what a few rumors, miscommunication, and bad previous experiences can do for the reputation of an individual. Well, I am glad I didn’t listen to all those people. Today I can tell you that Jonathan has been the best boss I have ever had. He entrusts me with my job and lets me conduct my business as I see necessary, but also gives me guidance and is always there to help me. Not only that, but he has also become a dear friend of mine and I owe him so much for helping me in my dark times. The funny thing is, I interact with him every day, and those who speak negative of him don’t, so let’s do the math and figure out who is right in this equation…

My second experience with negativity is my own. Those who are reading this are probably Facebook friends of mine. You all know I love that damn thing! I love to keep in touch with everyone since I am far away, and I love to keep everyone posted on what I do, and yes, maybe shock you every once in a while. It’s what I do! If you are my Facebook friend, it is because you have been a part of my life in one way or another. But what makes me sad and hurt is that there have been rumors started because of my Facebook account. People see pictures, read my status, and they draw to conclusions without asking me or checking with me. Now, I am an open book. I have nothing to hide. I have one face and one face only. If you see something on my Facebook that makes you wonder what I do, ask me! I will tell you, I promise. But what I don’t like and what I won’t tolerate are rumors that go too far. I love my job, my job is tough but my job is rewarding. You can ask those who work with me, I put in long hours when needed, work from home off the clock, I do what I can and try to go beyond what is asked of me and my number one concern is to make my boss happy with my work. Which from what I understand, he is.

It is amazing that as a society we are so eager to listen to gossip and then turn around and spread it to others without taking the time to find out if it’s even true. Not only that, but why can’t we just be happy for others? Why can’t we look at all the positive things about an individual and remember that we are not perfect. It reminds me of some adversity Lance Armstrong went through, he is a guy who has done some amazing things in his life and people were saying he was using drugs, a reporter asked him to respond to allegations to doping and he said, “Everybody wants to know what I’m on. What I’m on? I am on my bike busting my ass off for 6 hours a day, what are you on?” I have success because I have worked for my success, I didn’t get the job because I knew somebody or slandered the name of other applicants, I got the job because of my hard work and being willing to stand out in a sea of other individuals and go above and beyond what was asked of me. What are you doing? You are sitting at work, gossiping about me, my boss, my region, sitting there on your set job, set schedule, you don’t have a cell phone ringing at all hours of the day and night, tying you to IPCs and you don’t get yelled at when people in Utah makes mistakes. Your job is not tied to revenue, your job is not tied to EBIT, your job is not like mine. So just like Lance, people ask me how I got my job. Because I am willing to bust my hump, 10-12 hours a day, day in day out, month in, month out, so next time you hear rumors about me or my region, stop and think of how much damage you are doing to us and remember that we are all on the same team.

So, to all those out there who think they know who I am, who judge me for things they see or hear, who start rumors and gossip and make assumptions on my life, both personal and professional… GET A LIFE! Get to your job, get to work, and stop ruining your name by spreading filth and dirt that you can’t prove. Remember that God will be our judge and has asked us to stop judging others. Remember that when we gossip, speak ill of others, we are hurting more than one person, we hurt ourselves as well. And the day will come when “their basket shall not be full, their houses and their barns shall perish, and they themselves shall be despised by those that flattered them.” D&C 121:20

A WHOLE new me, not just body...

As I look back and think of what my life has been the past year, it is almost unbelievable what changes I have been through and what life has dished out for me. No two events in my life have been so life altering as my failed relationship with the person we will call “D” in this blog, and my job promotion and move to Glendale, Arizona.

Let’s start with the first one. TWO YEARS. I gave “D” two strong years of my life and loved her with ALL my heart. People who knew me when I was with her will not deny that I was madly in love and that I had devoted my life to her. The relationship was doomed from the beginning. Her family is the type of family who are so close to each other, that sometimes they don’t see that they suffocate each other. I learned more and more how these people think. Now, I do not want to turn this entry into a total compliant fest. I can see that they loved her and wanted the best for her, even though their love was quite conditional. I mean, they threatened her several times with disowning her; they threatened to kick her out of her house if she continued seeing me, and they even went as far as to bribe her with trips to Mexico, so she could stop seeing me. UNBELIEVABLE! Well, the relationship was doomed! My family, bless their hearts, had accepted her as my companion even though in their hearts, they knew she wasn’t the right person for me. But, because my family is very respectful of our decisions, they tried their best to love her and accept her, which was something her family never did and for that I will be forever grateful for the family that I have.

Well, after many fights, many ups and downs, lots and lots of harsh words exchanged, I finally grew a pair and decided to stand up for myself and stop the abuse. Looking back at everything, I was pretty much used. Used for money, gifts, affection, attention, used in so many ways. So many people around me warned me of this, I shut them down, I burned bridges, friendships were ruined, even family relationships took a strain, all to defend the honor and love I had for a woman who was never in love with me, just the idea of being in love. But I got out, I made the decision and stuck by it and was officially done with her in December, even though around Christmas time she still tried to get me to talk to her family and stay together… I suspect she was looking for a Christmas present.

Well now I learn that she is engaged and will be married in September! Incredible! This blew my mind, I mean, I knew she was with this guy and I always knew it wouldn’t take her long to find someone else, even though she always claimed that if she couldn’t be with me, she would never fall in love again. But hey, we all say things we will take back one day, I know I have. But she is getting married in September? That just blows my mind that she could be over ever between us and have room in her heart to fall in love again and be sure she wants to get married after telling me for 2 years I was her one and only. Well, I hope this guy is wonderful and he is everything I couldn’t be for her (mainly that he is Caucasian, and I am not, BIG plus in her family!) I hope that she learned her lessons with me and she is a better person and God blessed her with this new guy and she fell head over heels and they will be happy ever after, I truly wish that for her even though everyone who knows us, know that she is doomed to fail and one more guy is going to be added to the list of heart’s she destroyed.

So why am I blogging all this? Why complain and air out all my grievances? Well, the blog I started was to have a whole new Dis and last night I realized that part of the change I need to make to be a whole new person is that I have to TRULY let go. I know that I am 100% over her as a person because she was never good for me. Everyone around me knew she wasn’t and even my mom now, thanks me that I am not with her anymore and my father is happier than ever. But even though I am 100% over her as a person, I am not 100% over the situation. There is still some pain and some regrets in my heart that need to be out before I can live a full normal life. So by writing this all down and letting people know about it, because, let’s be honest, if you are reading this huge entry you are either super bored and have time to do so, or you really care about me and my life and wish me the best. So, I am turning all my troubles to those around me who care about me, and turning in all my pains to my Savior and it’s time to move on 100% I am stronger because of the experiences I have lived. I have learned many valuable lessons that I will cherish for the rest of my life. I refuse to let some little confused girl ruin my life, I am better than that. I know who I am and I know the blessings that my Father has for me and I refuse to give in to a person who didn’t even want to baptize our children at the age of 8! It’s time to move on 100%, it’s time to fill my life with good activities, good people, nothing but love for me, because after it’s all said and done, the person who can control my life more than anyone is me, and I chose to live my life to the fullest, live by the Gospel, and be as happy as my Heavenly Father wants me to be.