The 2 Men Inside...

I have noticed that as I get older, my outlook on life is improving. Is this what they call growing up? I don’t really want to call it that because I pride myself in having the spirit of a small child. Sure, some aspects of my life are extremely grown up, like the fact that I always seem to get jobs normally fit for men having a mid life crisis. But, other than my passion for hard work, I feel like I am far from being a responsible adult capable of adult thinking. I am someone who is always struggling between the two people who live inside me (no I am not bi-polar, at least I haven’t been diagnosed officially just yet) but let me tell you about the two people who dwell inside…


I have always thought of myself as a religious person. When I want to be and when I apply myself, I can be a very a motivating and righteous person. I love to give talks, I love teaching the gospel, I love to do missionary work and visit those in need. I love to study the scriptures. The Book of Mormon is one of my favorite books to read, I love the stories that I can apply to my everyday life. I love learning facts about the LDS church and to share those with people. One of my favorite things to do is to help those in financial need. I have always been blessed with a good job that gives me more than I need and I truly feel that I have been given this talent so I could help others. I love to spoil my family with gifts, especially my little sister. I love to give service and I am happiest when I am helping others. This man I like to call Brother Disraeli. Brother Disraeli is very respectful of women, never lets a girl pay for anything, even if she is just a friend. He will open the door, will give up his seat when the need arises, and will hold hands and kiss on the cheek attempting anything else. This person inside me is a hopeless romantic and loves to be charming and to romance the woman he is with. He listens to music like Jason Mraz and Paolo Nutini and sings along in the car, he’s even been known to sing girls to sleep over the phone. Brother Disraeli is a very nice guy; he is very patient and all very polite with others.


But then there is Dis, just Dis. Dis is extremely funny; he loves to make people laugh and feeds off that laughter. Unfortunately sometimes his jokes are a bit inappropriate, especially since I come from a very conservative LDS family. Dis is the guy who hates having to go to church for 3 straight hours and if he could, he would change it so he only had to go for sacrament meeting. He is the guy who at church, changes the lyrics to the hymns to make his sister laugh and who acts like a child. He will fall asleep during the meeting and bribe his family with money so they scratch his back. Dis loves movies and owns many rated R films with no regret or remorse and has been known to say “an angel could come down and ask me to stop watching them and I would for a week or so and I would go back…” Dis has a potty mouth, he is known to throw in swears into his conversation and not censoring his words. Dis loves women! He hates the thought of settling down because there are so many women in the world and so little time! This is the person who keeps him from having any meaningful relationships because he is always looking for something else. He is the one who loves to make out and prides himself in being really good at it. He walks around cocky and always has to own nice things, expensive clothes, and cool gadgets. He has a temper, if you get him mad he will be your worst enemy. He is passionate so his relationships are usually very intense with extreme highs and lows. He is rebellious in many aspects; he questions some doctrine in the LDS church and hates the self righteous atmosphere that Utah has crated. He loves to defy his parent’s authority and in years past has been a major headache for them. He listens to hard rock bands like Ozzy, Korn, 10 Years, and Rob Zombie. He is the life of the party and is always haunted by past temptations.

So now the only question left is, which person have you encountered? Have you met Brother Disraeli, the nice guy who for the most part feels like he gets walked on for being so nice. Or have you met Dis and peed your pants from the stupid funny things he says? I guess a good balance of the two people would be a good thing, but for now I struggle to keep them both in check and hope that in the course of taming both sides I have not offended or hurt people. Happy holidays my readers, may the gods bless you and help you in your struggles.