As I look back and think of what my life has been the past year, it is almost unbelievable what changes I have been through and what life has dished out for me. No two events in my life have been so life altering as my failed relationship with the person we will call “D” in this blog, and my job promotion and move to Glendale, Arizona.
Let’s start with the first one. TWO YEARS. I gave “D” two strong years of my life and loved her with ALL my heart. People who knew me when I was with her will not deny that I was madly in love and that I had devoted my life to her. The relationship was doomed from the beginning. Her family is the type of family who are so close to each other, that sometimes they don’t see that they suffocate each other. I learned more and more how these people think. Now, I do not want to turn this entry into a total compliant fest. I can see that they loved her and wanted the best for her, even though their love was quite conditional. I mean, they threatened her several times with disowning her; they threatened to kick her out of her house if she continued seeing me, and they even went as far as to bribe her with trips to Mexico, so she could stop seeing me. UNBELIEVABLE! Well, the relationship was doomed! My family, bless their hearts, had accepted her as my companion even though in their hearts, they knew she wasn’t the right person for me. But, because my family is very respectful of our decisions, they tried their best to love her and accept her, which was something her family never did and for that I will be forever grateful for the family that I have.
Well, after many fights, many ups and downs, lots and lots of harsh words exchanged, I finally grew a pair and decided to stand up for myself and stop the abuse. Looking back at everything, I was pretty much used. Used for money, gifts, affection, attention, used in so many ways. So many people around me warned me of this, I shut them down, I burned bridges, friendships were ruined, even family relationships took a strain, all to defend the honor and love I had for a woman who was never in love with me, just the idea of being in love. But I got out, I made the decision and stuck by it and was officially done with her in December, even though around Christmas time she still tried to get me to talk to her family and stay together… I suspect she was looking for a Christmas present.
Well now I learn that she is engaged and will be married in September! Incredible! This blew my mind, I mean, I knew she was with this guy and I always knew it wouldn’t take her long to find someone else, even though she always claimed that if she couldn’t be with me, she would never fall in love again. But hey, we all say things we will take back one day, I know I have. But she is getting married in September? That just blows my mind that she could be over ever between us and have room in her heart to fall in love again and be sure she wants to get married after telling me for 2 years I was her one and only. Well, I hope this guy is wonderful and he is everything I couldn’t be for her (mainly that he is Caucasian, and I am not, BIG plus in her family!) I hope that she learned her lessons with me and she is a better person and God blessed her with this new guy and she fell head over heels and they will be happy ever after, I truly wish that for her even though everyone who knows us, know that she is doomed to fail and one more guy is going to be added to the list of heart’s she destroyed.
So why am I blogging all this? Why complain and air out all my grievances? Well, the blog I started was to have a whole new Dis and last night I realized that part of the change I need to make to be a whole new person is that I have to TRULY let go. I know that I am 100% over her as a person because she was never good for me. Everyone around me knew she wasn’t and even my mom now, thanks me that I am not with her anymore and my father is happier than ever. But even though I am 100% over her as a person, I am not 100% over the situation. There is still some pain and some regrets in my heart that need to be out before I can live a full normal life. So by writing this all down and letting people know about it, because, let’s be honest, if you are reading this huge entry you are either super bored and have time to do so, or you really care about me and my life and wish me the best. So, I am turning all my troubles to those around me who care about me, and turning in all my pains to my Savior and it’s time to move on 100% I am stronger because of the experiences I have lived. I have learned many valuable lessons that I will cherish for the rest of my life. I refuse to let some little confused girl ruin my life, I am better than that. I know who I am and I know the blessings that my Father has for me and I refuse to give in to a person who didn’t even want to baptize our children at the age of 8! It’s time to move on 100%, it’s time to fill my life with good activities, good people, nothing but love for me, because after it’s all said and done, the person who can control my life more than anyone is me, and I chose to live my life to the fullest, live by the Gospel, and be as happy as my Heavenly Father wants me to be.
