The 2 Men Inside...

I have noticed that as I get older, my outlook on life is improving. Is this what they call growing up? I don’t really want to call it that because I pride myself in having the spirit of a small child. Sure, some aspects of my life are extremely grown up, like the fact that I always seem to get jobs normally fit for men having a mid life crisis. But, other than my passion for hard work, I feel like I am far from being a responsible adult capable of adult thinking. I am someone who is always struggling between the two people who live inside me (no I am not bi-polar, at least I haven’t been diagnosed officially just yet) but let me tell you about the two people who dwell inside…


I have always thought of myself as a religious person. When I want to be and when I apply myself, I can be a very a motivating and righteous person. I love to give talks, I love teaching the gospel, I love to do missionary work and visit those in need. I love to study the scriptures. The Book of Mormon is one of my favorite books to read, I love the stories that I can apply to my everyday life. I love learning facts about the LDS church and to share those with people. One of my favorite things to do is to help those in financial need. I have always been blessed with a good job that gives me more than I need and I truly feel that I have been given this talent so I could help others. I love to spoil my family with gifts, especially my little sister. I love to give service and I am happiest when I am helping others. This man I like to call Brother Disraeli. Brother Disraeli is very respectful of women, never lets a girl pay for anything, even if she is just a friend. He will open the door, will give up his seat when the need arises, and will hold hands and kiss on the cheek attempting anything else. This person inside me is a hopeless romantic and loves to be charming and to romance the woman he is with. He listens to music like Jason Mraz and Paolo Nutini and sings along in the car, he’s even been known to sing girls to sleep over the phone. Brother Disraeli is a very nice guy; he is very patient and all very polite with others.


But then there is Dis, just Dis. Dis is extremely funny; he loves to make people laugh and feeds off that laughter. Unfortunately sometimes his jokes are a bit inappropriate, especially since I come from a very conservative LDS family. Dis is the guy who hates having to go to church for 3 straight hours and if he could, he would change it so he only had to go for sacrament meeting. He is the guy who at church, changes the lyrics to the hymns to make his sister laugh and who acts like a child. He will fall asleep during the meeting and bribe his family with money so they scratch his back. Dis loves movies and owns many rated R films with no regret or remorse and has been known to say “an angel could come down and ask me to stop watching them and I would for a week or so and I would go back…” Dis has a potty mouth, he is known to throw in swears into his conversation and not censoring his words. Dis loves women! He hates the thought of settling down because there are so many women in the world and so little time! This is the person who keeps him from having any meaningful relationships because he is always looking for something else. He is the one who loves to make out and prides himself in being really good at it. He walks around cocky and always has to own nice things, expensive clothes, and cool gadgets. He has a temper, if you get him mad he will be your worst enemy. He is passionate so his relationships are usually very intense with extreme highs and lows. He is rebellious in many aspects; he questions some doctrine in the LDS church and hates the self righteous atmosphere that Utah has crated. He loves to defy his parent’s authority and in years past has been a major headache for them. He listens to hard rock bands like Ozzy, Korn, 10 Years, and Rob Zombie. He is the life of the party and is always haunted by past temptations.

So now the only question left is, which person have you encountered? Have you met Brother Disraeli, the nice guy who for the most part feels like he gets walked on for being so nice. Or have you met Dis and peed your pants from the stupid funny things he says? I guess a good balance of the two people would be a good thing, but for now I struggle to keep them both in check and hope that in the course of taming both sides I have not offended or hurt people. Happy holidays my readers, may the gods bless you and help you in your struggles.

I know, its been ages since I last blogged, and I did say that last time. And its not that I have been busy, sure there have been some major changes lately that have kept me from updating this, but come on... I have been on vacation for 3 weeks, so this was long over due.

To be honest the reason why I am even writing this is to get a few thoughts down that have been bugging at me these past few days. It is a lesson that I have learned that has cost me quite a while to understand, and even though I don't understand it completely, I feel like I have gotten much better at this little concept.

I have learned that sometimes in life, you can't always have it all. That's it, fairly simple right? Well it has taken most my life to figure out why this happens and to not be upset by it. Let me give you an example. The last few weeks as many of you know, I lost my job. I was laid off and was upset at first knowing that my future with my current company would come to an end. But the event forced me out of the comfort zone I had gotten into, and with some time, I saw many blessings come my way, one in particular that I prefer to keep private. But in the middle of all the turmoil, there seemed to be a light at the end.

I come to find out that I was wrong, and things weren't exactly going the way I had pictured them. Now my old self would have been upset, depressed, mad at the world, but I'm not. Yes I am sad that I had it all wrong, a little heartbroken, but the Lord knows whats best for me, and He gave me this great job opportunity and a huge opportunity to give back to my family and take care of them as they struggle in this horrible economy. I am not mad at my Father because He knows what is best for me, and one day at His time, not mine, that aspect of my life will be the way that I deserve it, and I put my faith in Him to continue guiding me. One of the many lessons learned is that we should always be grateful for what we have, part of being grateful is to acknowledge those blessings no matter how small they are. Also, when things seem to be horrible and depressing, they are never as bad as we make them out to be, remember that, remember that everything can be fixed and time heals and there will be a light at the end of the tunnel quicker if we stay positive through the darkness.

Well my readers, the moral of the story is this: Life is beautiful, it is not perfect by any means. Yes there will be heartbreak, and not just once. There will be trials and tribulation, there will be times where you feel you want to throw in the towel, and its not bad to feel that way. BUT, what is important is to figure out how to get out of those feelings and move on and thank Heavenly Father for those experiences, because they exist to make us better and are proof of His love. He will pull through for you, He loves you. God bless you all.

Dis