Oh The Joys of A Singles Ward!

Today I write to you about something that has been bothering me all weekend, and as I have before, apologize if this offends anyone. With these posts, I encourage discussion, even if you think I am completely wrong. I am not afraid to admit when I am wrong and so with that disclaimer, I would like to talk today about the things that have been bothering me lately.

This past weekend I had the privilege to attend a wonderful church meeting, I will not go into details as to what exactly that meeting was to try and keep this as anonymous as possible, all I will say is that there is no denying that it was a very wholesome and spiritual meeting and enjoyed by many.

During this meeting, as I do in others, my fiancée was kind enough to scratch my back as she does in all church meetings. You see, I grew up a spoiled little brat. I inherited the need for attention from my mother and the love of a good back scratch from my father. Growing up, my loving mother always kept me from being rowdy during church by relaxing me with a good old fashioned scratch. That responsibility later fell on my sisters as long as the favor was returned and in some cases, with a small monetary bribe. Later on in my life when church became a source of anxiety and fear, the soft fingers running around my back and neck became a useful tool in keeping me from running out of the church screaming.

Well during this meeting, as mentioned above, my fiancée did as she always has and scratched my back, and I returned the favor of course with that a very simple, innocent, and loving way to show our affection. There was nothing inappropriate, nothing that hadn’t been done before, just tickling the back and arm as we always do.

The meeting was over, the Spirit there was incredible. Everyone seemed to have had a very enjoyable time, until I saw this person walking towards me; I knew she was going to say something because she had that angry look like I had done something wrong. She approached me and wanted to talk to me and gave me that disclaimer that everyone gives when they are about to offend you: “I don’t want to offend you but…” You know what I’m talking about, those phrases that seem to give people permission to tell you whatever they want without any consequences. Well she said it, and then proceeded to tell me that when my fiancée and I “caress” each other it’s very distracting. Normally wouldn’t be bothered but more humored, but she sad it with a very angry tone, so much that a woman who was standing near us talked to me about it, more on that to come. Her voice was cracking as if she was near tears, her face very patronizing with that “better-than-thou” look. I asked her who was complaining and she answered with a brief and hostile: “I’m saying it!”

Once she got all she needed to get out she walked away. I bit my tongue and didn’t say anything because I can be quite the jerk when attacked. My mind filled with comebacks which I will not mention because of how hurtful they could have been. Instead, I kept my mouth shut and when she walked away, the woman that had witnessed the whole thing proceeded to tell me: “That was weird!”

Yes it was weird! Everyone reading this raise your hands if you have NEVER scratched someone’s back or arms during church. It is something I have been used to all my life and especially now that I am in love and soon to be married. I love making Lindsay feel loved and taken care of. But this individual didn’t see it that way. Who goes out of their way to notice things like this? My opinion is that when you are in tune with the Spirit, things around you do not seem important, your focus is on what is being said, the spirit of the meeting. Her hostile words and angry demeanor made me think that this person was not feeling the same spirit that everyone else was and it was unfortunate that she had robbed from the atmosphere of such a spiritual event with her judgmental and aggressive manner.

Roger Merrill, the Sunday School General President, said the following: “When we focus instead on seeking and receiving the Spirit, we become less concerned about a teacher or speaker holding our attention and more concerned about giving our attention to the Spirit.” I think this also applies on what happens around us. When we are focused on what the Spirit has to teach us, we become less aware of what others are doing around us. Not only that, but did Jesus not ask His disciples to not content with each other over the Gospel?

To those of you who are quick to judge. Who go to Church to notice what everyone is wearing, what they are doing whether it be wrong or not, to point out the mistakes people make, criticize the lessons taught, and etc etc etc… I say, look inside, find those things within you that YOU need to change and focus on bettering yourself. Focus on what the Spirit has to teach you, I promise that if you do, the things that happen around you will not matter.