Disraeli's Life Lessons

Oh The Joys of A Singles Ward!

2009-09-28T21:11:00.001-07:00

Today I write to you about something that has been bothering me all weekend, and as I have before, apologize if this offends anyone. With these posts, I encourage discussion, even if you think I am completely wrong. I am not afraid to admit when I am wrong and so with that disclaimer, I would like to talk today about the things that have been bothering me lately.

This past weekend I had the privilege to attend a wonderful church meeting, I will not go into details as to what exactly that meeting was to try and keep this as anonymous as possible, all I will say is that there is no denying that it was a very wholesome and spiritual meeting and enjoyed by many.

During this meeting, as I do in others, my fiancée was kind enough to scratch my back as she does in all church meetings. You see, I grew up a spoiled little brat. I inherited the need for attention from my mother and the love of a good back scratch from my father. Growing up, my loving mother always kept me from being rowdy during church by relaxing me with a good old fashioned scratch. That responsibility later fell on my sisters as long as the favor was returned and in some cases, with a small monetary bribe. Later on in my life when church became a source of anxiety and fear, the soft fingers running around my back and neck became a useful tool in keeping me from running out of the church screaming.

Well during this meeting, as mentioned above, my fiancée did as she always has and scratched my back, and I returned the favor of course with that a very simple, innocent, and loving way to show our affection. There was nothing inappropriate, nothing that hadn’t been done before, just tickling the back and arm as we always do.

The meeting was over, the Spirit there was incredible. Everyone seemed to have had a very enjoyable time, until I saw this person walking towards me; I knew she was going to say something because she had that angry look like I had done something wrong. She approached me and wanted to talk to me and gave me that disclaimer that everyone gives when they are about to offend you: “I don’t want to offend you but…” You know what I’m talking about, those phrases that seem to give people permission to tell you whatever they want without any consequences. Well she said it, and then proceeded to tell me that when my fiancée and I “caress” each other it’s very distracting. Normally wouldn’t be bothered but more humored, but she sad it with a very angry tone, so much that a woman who was standing near us talked to me about it, more on that to come. Her voice was cracking as if she was near tears, her face very patronizing with that “better-than-thou” look. I asked her who was complaining and she answered with a brief and hostile: “I’m saying it!”

Once she got all she needed to get out she walked away. I bit my tongue and didn’t say anything because I can be quite the jerk when attacked. My mind filled with comebacks which I will not mention because of how hurtful they could have been. Instead, I kept my mouth shut and when she walked away, the woman that had witnessed the whole thing proceeded to tell me: “That was weird!”

Yes it was weird! Everyone reading this raise your hands if you have NEVER scratched someone’s back or arms during church. It is something I have been used to all my life and especially now that I am in love and soon to be married. I love making Lindsay feel loved and taken care of. But this individual didn’t see it that way. Who goes out of their way to notice things like this? My opinion is that when you are in tune with the Spirit, things around you do not seem important, your focus is on what is being said, the spirit of the meeting. Her hostile words and angry demeanor made me think that this person was not feeling the same spirit that everyone else was and it was unfortunate that she had robbed from the atmosphere of such a spiritual event with her judgmental and aggressive manner.

Roger Merrill, the Sunday School General President, said the following: “When we focus instead on seeking and receiving the Spirit, we become less concerned about a teacher or speaker holding our attention and more concerned about giving our attention to the Spirit.” I think this also applies on what happens around us. When we are focused on what the Spirit has to teach us, we become less aware of what others are doing around us. Not only that, but did Jesus not ask His disciples to not content with each other over the Gospel?

To those of you who are quick to judge. Who go to Church to notice what everyone is wearing, what they are doing whether it be wrong or not, to point out the mistakes people make, criticize the lessons taught, and etc etc etc… I say, look inside, find those things within you that YOU need to change and focus on bettering yourself. Focus on what the Spirit has to teach you, I promise that if you do, the things that happen around you will not matter.

Things I have Learned the Past Four Years

2009-08-19T11:50:00.000-07:00

A few weeks ago marked the anniversary of being home from my mission. Four years actually, I have been home a lot longer than I served, which is a weird feeling. It has been the strangest, most productive, most fun, challenging, and blessed years of my life... so far. So I would like to compile a list of things I have learned these past 4 years, in hopes that others might learn from them too. So here they are, in no particular order I might add...

1. Attitude is everything. We all face hard times that test our faith, our morals, values, and the strength within us. But with hard times, we must face them with a positive attitude and we can always know that we will come out triumphant.
2. Pity parties never accomplish anything. You know the person, the one always feeling sorry for themselves. Always moping and groaning and whining. These are the types of people who will NEVER get ahead because they are too self indulged to see the blessings around them. We have all done it, no one is blameless in this issue. But there are those who live on this "woe is me" attitude most their lives and they will never be happy.
3. Faith and hope can get you through everything! There is so much power in the things that cannot be seen or felt. I have been on the side where I no longer believed in a higher power, and I have found that life became much more harder than ever before. Why? We all have the need to connect spiritually with a higher being, it is important to the development of our soul. To know that we are not alone, and have faith and hope that all things will one day come together like the pieces of a puzzle.
4. Don't take life too serious. So many people take things too seriously, and do not find the laughter in things. I understand that some things are sacred, and should not be played with. But don't overdo it. Life is too short to be grumpy and anal about things. Have fun, laugh it off, and remember that a little inappropriateness is sometimes OK.
5. Changes are out of your control. Don't get bent our of shape whenever there are changes in your life that you have no control over. But remember, that you do have control on the way you adapt to those changes. For more information, see point 1 :)
6. Most people dying to get married, wont, sorry. This is for all you ladies and guys out there in Mormonland who feel the pressure of getting married young. I understand you see your friends around you getting married and it makes you want to do it too. But take your time, it will happen one day. I have seen this so many times, those that are desperate to get married usually don't do it as fast as those just letting things happen. Let the chips fall where they may. Enjoy the moment, plan for tomorrow but don't live for tomorrow.
7. Friends come and go, but family is everything. The most important relationships you can have, are the ones you make with your family. Friends are nice and a very important aspect of your life. But the friendships you make with your family, will the the ones that last an eternity. Don't compromise those relationships for things which are temporal. If you are in a relationship which takes you away and damages that bond with your family, chances are that relationship is not good for you and will not last.
8. Service to others is the key to happiness. The times where I have felt the most happy in my life is when I was helping others. If you ever need a pick-me-up, are in dire need of blessings, or just want to change the daily routine you are stuck in, find a way to serve others. Service to others can have a huge impact on your life, it will boost your self esteem, help those that are in need, you will develop new relationships, and you will be doing something honorable and note worthy. Find the opportunities to serve in your everyday lives.

There are many more things which I want to share, but for the time being this is what I give to you. I hope that as you read these words, a spark within you is ignited and you make a small change in your life for the better. Sometimes, we live through challenging times so that we can bless the lives of others through our experiences. May God bless you all.

Dis

The Only Thing in Life that’s Consistent is… Change

2009-06-16T09:57:00.001-07:00

Recent events have sparked certain emotions in my life that have caused me to ponder the mysteries that life brings us. I think each and every one of us has stopped at one moment in our lives and pondered how we got to that point. For some people, that point could be a faraway place they never thought they would be in. For some, life’s changes and challenges have brought them to a better understanding of who they are and have created a definition of the characteristics that mold us and define how we stand against the rest of the world. But one thing is certain, life is full of surprises and it brings much change.

A very close friend of mine is leaving in a few days to embark on a new journey that will shape him and that could set the tone for the rest of his adult life. As he prepares to take on this new challenge, an old acquaintance comes home from a similar experience. I call him acquaintance because the friendship that once was, has been damaged deeply and a reparation would be a challenging one. I think about these two individuals. I think about my own experience of leaving a world that was so comforting and so familiar only to come home 2 years later and finding a very different place waiting for me. I think about this old friend of mine and how what once was a great brotherhood was ripped apart by something that wasn’t even worth all the damage that it caused.

I sit here and wonder how life will be when my good friend comes back. I wonder what type of world he will be coming home to. A boy gets on that plane and leaves to a far away place where he will have to learn to face the world and all its pain and tribulations head on, who will the man be that comes back? Change is always a challenging aspect of our mortal lives. Plans are wonderful, they help us have a focus and allow us to set goals for ourselves, but the only thing that’s certain about this life is that it’s constantly changing and the key to success, is to be able to adapt well to those changes. There is a great truth in the commonly used phrase: “when life gives you lemons, make lemonade.” Our ability to adapt to the challenges that life gives us is what’s going to determine our success in this life. Life is too short and precious to be wasting it moping around and wishing that things hadn’t changed the way they did. Put your trust in that source of strength that you have. Whether it’s through your religious beliefs, your family, your friends, there is always something in your life that’s going to help you cope with the changes that life brings you.

I hope that as you read this, you find a little bit of encouragement in being able to face the challenges that change brings into our lives. May you all be blessed in the journey that life takes you on. God bless.

Dis.

Why I Created Disraelism...

2009-05-20T15:03:00.001-07:00

To understand Disraelism, you have to understand the kind of guy I am. I have always been curious, always questioning things and wondering how they work, especially spiritual things that tend to not have a simple answer. I have also been fascinated by the mysteries in life. I always joke with people that I would love to become a Freemason, and will likely do it in my life time. I love conspiracies, I love the occult, I like knowing that we are not alone and firmly believe in ghosts and other taboo subjects. I was blessed to serve an LDS Mission in a land of magic and dark forces, a place where witchcraft and spells are abundant, I love that stuff!

But let me also make this disclaimer. I am LDS. No matter how weird I sound, how blasphemous I get, I will always be a member of the Mormon Church, aka The Church of Jesus Christ of Latter Day Saints. It is the foundation of my life and what brings happiness to it. I see how much it has blessed my life and the lives of others and to deny that I know is true would be wrong.

So what is Disraelism? Before you go off and try to get me excommunicated you need to know this: It is a joke; it is not something that I believe in as a religion. It started as an awesome group of work friends back at Tahitian Noni. We would get bored and we would email each other the foundations of a religion that was based on the Simpsons and other common interests that we had. It was a way for us to keep entertained in a miserable environment and it created some very strong friendships.

What is Disraelism now? Really, my belief is that people (especially around this valley) take life much too seriously. I am a firm believer that laughter is the best medicine. I have laughed away some major disappointments in my life and the more I learn, the more I believe this to be true. You can’t take life so serious ALL the time. You have to open your heart and soul to laughter, to the weird things in life. Basically that is what Disraelism is to me; it is my chance to merge some of the humor in my life with this lifelong dream of people following me. It’s my way to express some of my blasphemous ideas in a safe way were I can’t get in trouble for them. If you read a Disraelism update and it makes you giggle, I have done my job! IT IS NOT MEANT TO DETRACT OR MISLEAD PEOPLE. I can’t stress that enough. Disraelism welcomes and is open to people of all faiths!

So if you want to add a little bit of inappropriate, questionable humor to your life, Disraelism is for you! If you take things too seriously and you are offended by my religion, then don’t join, simple as that, chances are that I didn’t want you joining anyway ;) But stop emailing me, stop harassing me telling me I will burn in hell, and let us enjoy the humor that is life. God bless you all and ALL HAIL DISRAELISM!!!

http://www.facebook.com/home.php#/pages/Disraelism/166368370371?ref=ts

Changes... Once Again...

2009-04-06T09:27:00.000-07:00

After some thought and careful consideration, I have decided to go back to the original reason I started this blog, which is to share the things that life teaches me every day in hopes that it may help someone or simply entertain those who are close to me. I feel like this direction was always so positive and uplifting, were my last direction opened the doors for negativity and misinterpretation. My views are the same; I am a different kind of Mormon. But I do not wish to offend those who are close to me, and I do not want to be the vehicle for LDS slander. Everyone is entitled to their opinion and I welcome comments both here and on Facebook.

What made me want to change? I had a very eye opening weekend. Some of you know by my previous post that I had been questioning some of the direction that the LDS Church had taken during the whole Proposition 8 fiasco. And although I still have questions and concerns about the matter, I have learned to have a little more faith and trust those who I know make decisions that may or may not always be easy to accept. This past LDS General Conference was an eye opener. I went about it with humility and with many questions on my mind that I felt deserved an answer. And in the end, everything was answered. I almost feel as though conference was directed to me specifically. Not only were the words specific to the questions I had, but I had a strong spiritual confirmation that it was all true.

I have also been blessed by getting to know someone very special, a lovely and virtuous daughter of my Heavenly Father. Even though I don’t know too much about her, just talking to her and getting to know her has helped me view things in a different way and inspires me to want a better, more spiritual life for myself. I haven’t felt that in so long. I look forward to getting to know her more this weekend and see if what I feel has validation.

Thank you my faithful readers. I know that some of you, as you read my frustrations and concerns, have prayed for my well being and have been concerned that I might be heading towards a path of rebellion and disobedience. I realize that as I make some changes in my life, I may lose friendships and some might see me as phony. But these are the experiences that shape us and give us the opportunity to strengthen our testimonies.

God bless you all.

Uptight and Judgmental

2009-03-23T08:19:00.000-07:00

This is a revision of the post earlier, I am in NO WAY BACKING DOWN from my original thoughts, but I felt I needed to be a little bit more clear in some aspects. Yet I know it will still spark controversy and hate, enjoy:

To say that I am back enjoying casseroles and substituting hell with “heck” and damn with “dang” is just not plausible. You see, I am a different kind of Mormon. Call me Jack Mormon, call me a hypocrite, call me what you want. But I do not fit in to your usual Sunday morning zoobie with parted hair and a cheesy smile. I am far from perfect and sometimes I still wonder why I am part of a Church where I am looked as rebellious when anywhere else in the world I am a very good person. You see, that is my problem with some of its members. Unfortunately some of its members ruin what is a beautiful religious institution, and the worst part is that its not just a few who ruin it for the rest of us, it is many people.

Take for example Prop 8 in California and 102 in Arizona (which I lived there during the campaign). The issue sparked a great deal of controversy and in some cases, some very hateful comments were made in Facebook groups and during rallies by very prominent LDS members. I have gay and lesbian friends, big shocker! A Mormon with gay friends? Yes! It is perfectly fine. I love them very much. They are very good people and are fun to be around. They respect my beliefs and I respect theirs. I admit I have fallen in that Mormon trap of thinking that it was wrong and a sin, I have learned my lesson and know now that it was not Christ-like of me to think that way. Did Christ not teach tolerance? Did he not say to love one another? I am not saying that we should accept everything that everyone does, if someone is an alcoholic I don’t have to accept that drinking is ok, but I can learn to love that person. But sometimes we confuse acceptance with tolerance. You see, my gay friends, to me are just friends. They aren’t a label. I don’t think, hey it’s Joe my gay friend, no. It’s just simply Joe. If Joe lives a certain lifestyle that I don’t, it doesn’t mean anything but that we are different.

One time someone came up to me and asked if I was a Mormon. The way that they asked made me wonder if I had done something wrong that may have given them the idea that I wasn’t. I replied that I was and wondered why they asked. She said: “Really? You just aren’t uptight and judgmental like the others…” Unfortunately I knew exactly what she was talking about, so I took it as a compliment. Sadly, a lot of Latter Day Saints, especially in Utah, grow up extremely judgmental and uptight. I know of a few Facebook friends who deleted me because they saw something controversial in my profile. During the time I was being rebellious and wasn’t living the Doctrine of the LDS Church, lots of people stopped talking to me and scorned me for my choices. Come on people, that is not right, that is NOT what Christ taught. Hate the sin but don’t hate the sinner. But unfortunately lots of Mormons don’t see it that way, and I only say that because I have seen it firsthand.

What is the lesson here? A true Christian learns to love all people, no matter what race, color, background, culture, sexual preference, you get the point. How can members of a church claim to be the “one true church” when they judge and point fingers, when they scorn individuals for the lifestyle they live. I am sure this is NOT what Christ meant for His church. Have the Brethren not spoken to us about these things? I could get into racism but that would be a completely different post. We need to change the way we are viewed by the rest of society, we need to be better examples of what a true member of the LDS Church is supposed to act. People used to hear the word “Mormon” and they would associate it with kind and charitable people, now days the term “Mormon” is so negative and is usually followed by the words, “judgmental” and “uptight”. I know I have A LOT of things I need to change in order to portray a better example, I am not innocent in this matter.

From Life Lessons to Controversial Views

2009-03-19T13:24:00.000-07:00

After some thought, and due to some of the recent media spotlight on the Church I associate myself to, I have decided to change the direction and focus of what I write about.

Some of you know that I am LDS; Mormon if you will. Maybe not the best one according to its laws and practices, but I am very much a Mormon guy. I was born a Mormon and for the longest time was one because it was what my parent’s had taught me. It was what made sense and I didn’t know any other world. Now, this doesn’t mean I have always been a faithful one, as I stated earlier, I had my periods of… let’s just call it rebellion to stick to religious terminology. I have seen the other side, I have had the privilege to experiment what the world has to offer. And even though my personality seems to enjoy the temporal fulfillment, my soul was always in conflict of these things and is what eventually brought me “back” to what I knew was right.

This blog is a way for me to voice my opinions on being a liberal and spiritual man in a world of conservative Latter Day Saints. I would like to make it very clear from the beginning, these are only my opinions and not facts. I apologize if this new blog direction is going to offend some, as I am sure it will. But as I try to define who I am, I have found that honesty, though brutal at time, is what makes me the happiest.

This Is The Way I Am…

2009-02-02T15:50:00.000-08:00

I would say that I have probably lived a far more strange life than most Mormons have. The shelter of the Utah bubble since my arrival to the States at the age of nine has been in most my years, a non-existent Mormon myth. I am grateful for the experiences I have lived that will maybe someday bring in financial gain with some sort of book deal, but as I reach the wonderful and dreadful age of 25, I look back at my life and wonder what it all means.

I have been rebellious most of my life. My personality, by nature, is one of mischief and trouble. I think it began on the playgrounds of the private schools I went to in Mexico. I was this skinny, large headed kid, in the middle of rich, snobby types whose lack of parental control caused them to act out in places outside the home. I was always picked on for being the quiet kid, the one that was never good at sports and would rather sit by himself and doodle in his writing notebook. But when the chance to start a new life in the States came to me, I knew that it was my opportunity to start over and decide what type of kid I would be.

I arrived here when I was nine. I was the new guy in town who spoke little to no English. At the time, Utah had not experienced the Latin boom that it did a few years after, so I was the brand new and exciting toy for everyone to explore! I quickly learned English, thanks to all the new white girls I had attracted that were inviting me to their homes and bringing me to dinner like a show and tell project. I think my love for women began here, unless we count the times in kindergarten when I was receiving free cookies from this little blonde girl in return for kisses, but that’s another story.

Since the age of 9, somehow I always got in trouble around my birthday. What is it about my birthday that causes me to want to do naughty things? I remember one particular time, it was 5th grade and there was a kid by the name of Spencer. His house had that awful smell of urine, and I knew it was because of him. He tried being my friend so much that I actually started hanging out with him after school. We would play monsters with my little sister whom I walked home every day. But then there was that awful day I felt he had roughed her up a little more than I would have liked. I tackled little Spencer to the ground and knocked him out cold with a swift punch to the eye. I panicked! I knew I would be in deep trouble. So I took some pencil led and darkened my eye so it would look as if he had hit me too, bad idea. This only made my teacher more upset because I was trying to hide the fact I had attacked this kid in what looked to be “no good reason”. A year later, again, around my birthday, he had been sick for several days and all the kids were collecting valentines for him to send to his home (my birthday is 2 days after Valentine’s Day). I found a Valentine of some masked duck shooting some sort of love gun, but I changed it so the duck was telling Spencer that he was going to kill him, I know I know, really bad idea. I sent him his Valentine and knew I would be in deep trouble. But being the mischievous person that I am, I disconnected the phones from the walls on my birthday so Spencer’s parents would not call and ruin my birthday fun! Well, they showed up to the house the following day and I was in deep trouble.

I could go on and on about all the different times I have been in trouble around my birthday, but I don’t feel I need to air out my dirty laundry, ha ha. My point is that this has been a problem most my life, and it doesn’t make sense sometimes because I have a very spiritual and good person inside me. I think I have mentioned in previous posts that I feel like 2 very different human beings, and of course this is natural in most cases. But mine are so different that sometimes I worry I need to start seeking professional help! Either that or I just need to find that happy medium where both can coexist? I don’t have the answers; all I know is that this is me. I am who I am, and deep down I know I need both of these personalities, or else I wouldn’t be me.

Nice Guys Finish Last?

2008-12-30T08:39:00.000-08:00

The eternal struggle between good and evil is still so actively controlling my life right now. In the post below, I mention the two sides of me and the different roles they play in my life. This remains true today. But as I try to keep the good side controlling the bad, I realize that it is a harder task than I imagined. Not because I am evil by nature, natural but not evil, but because the good side of me always seems to finish in last place.

“All guys are the same!” Whenever I hear these words come out of a girl’s mouth, I always cringe with disgust and my natural response is to point out their obvious delusional state. But I don’t. I always ask why they think this is and the responses are always the same. Some guy played with their feelings and blah blah blah, yadda yadda yadda… for the most part, they have a valid point and I don’t blame them for their hostile feelings towards my gender. But is that really true? Of course it’s not! You see, the problem with most women who say something like that is that they always fall for that same type of guy. It’s almost comical once you dissect the situation. They get hurt, they vow to never fall for someone like that again, along comes Pete with his charming good looks and nice car, they are instantly attracted to him and they fall for the guy even though he seems to be EXACTLY the same as the one before. But they don’t see that, they are blinded by the outside and don’t seem to take the time to check out the inside. They get hurt; they curse the world and out comes the phrase, “ALL GUYS ARE THE SAME!” Does anyone else find this ridiculous?

No Sally, guys are not all the same. You are just falling for the same type of guy. Why is that? I have seen both sides. I have been the jerk, the player, the guy who won’t commit and who is self centered and selfish. I have been there. You know what disgusts me about that? It was during that time in my life when I was dating like crazy! It was as if women WANTED that, they liked the bad boy that had that dark mysterious crazy look in his eyes, the guy who didn’t call when he said he would and broke many promises. They liked the passionate fights and the arguing, they liked being on their toes and worrying who I had been with the night before… does anyone else find this strange?

Well I refuse to go back to that. I have so many girl friends whose lives have been torn by guys who have crushed their self esteem and worth. I know of so many women who have cried themselves to sleep because some jerk who played with their feelings, some guy who promised them the world and gave them crap in return. I have two sisters, fortunately for me the oldest one is married to an incredible guy who respects her and loves her dearly. The younger one is who I lose sleep over. I constantly worry about her well being and hope that no man hurts her. I would not hesistate to brake someone's legs if they broke her heart. My sisters have kept me from falling into that role of jerk and player. I am far from perfect but I try to be the gentleman that my mother struggled to raise.

So a message to all women: guys are not the all the same, there are some incredible men out there who will treat you like a Princess, guys who will respect you and pay for all your meals and will never lie to you. They are out there I promise. If you are worried that nice guys aren’t fun, I can assure you that they are. Do yourself a favor and show the world that nice guys are still desired and go out with one for a change! Guys: enough is enough. We need to change our perspective of what a man is. A man does not cheat on his woman; he doesn’t lie to her to cover up something ridiculous he did. A man pays for dinner, opens the door, compliments on how beautiful she looks. He takes care of her and protects her and will never let anyone else say a single negative word about her. This is what being a man is.

May the New Year bring us the opportunity to start over with a clean slate and accomplish the goals we have set forth. God bless you all, my readers.

The 2 Men Inside...

2008-11-24T08:07:00.000-08:00

I have noticed that as I get older, my outlook on life is improving. Is this what they call growing up? I don’t really want to call it that because I pride myself in having the spirit of a small child. Sure, some aspects of my life are extremely grown up, like the fact that I always seem to get jobs normally fit for men having a mid life crisis. But, other than my passion for hard work, I feel like I am far from being a responsible adult capable of adult thinking. I am someone who is always struggling between the two people who live inside me (no I am not bi-polar, at least I haven’t been diagnosed officially just yet) but let me tell you about the two people who dwell inside…

I have always thought of myself as a religious person. When I want to be and when I apply myself, I can be a very a motivating and righteous person. I love to give talks, I love teaching the gospel, I love to do missionary work and visit those in need. I love to study the scriptures. The Book of Mormon is one of my favorite books to read, I love the stories that I can apply to my everyday life. I love learning facts about the LDS church and to share those with people. One of my favorite things to do is to help those in financial need. I have always been blessed with a good job that gives me more than I need and I truly feel that I have been given this talent so I could help others. I love to spoil my family with gifts, especially my little sister. I love to give service and I am happiest when I am helping others. This man I like to call Brother Disraeli. Brother Disraeli is very respectful of women, never lets a girl pay for anything, even if she is just a friend. He will open the door, will give up his seat when the need arises, and will hold hands and kiss on the cheek attempting anything else. This person inside me is a hopeless romantic and loves to be charming and to romance the woman he is with. He listens to music like Jason Mraz and Paolo Nutini and sings along in the car, he’s even been known to sing girls to sleep over the phone. Brother Disraeli is a very nice guy; he is very patient and all very polite with others.

But then there is Dis, just Dis. Dis is extremely funny; he loves to make people laugh and feeds off that laughter. Unfortunately sometimes his jokes are a bit inappropriate, especially since I come from a very conservative LDS family. Dis is the guy who hates having to go to church for 3 straight hours and if he could, he would change it so he only had to go for sacrament meeting. He is the guy who at church, changes the lyrics to the hymns to make his sister laugh and who acts like a child. He will fall asleep during the meeting and bribe his family with money so they scratch his back. Dis loves movies and owns many rated R films with no regret or remorse and has been known to say “an angel could come down and ask me to stop watching them and I would for a week or so and I would go back…” Dis has a potty mouth, he is known to throw in swears into his conversation and not censoring his words. Dis loves women! He hates the thought of settling down because there are so many women in the world and so little time! This is the person who keeps him from having any meaningful relationships because he is always looking for something else. He is the one who loves to make out and prides himself in being really good at it. He walks around cocky and always has to own nice things, expensive clothes, and cool gadgets. He has a temper, if you get him mad he will be your worst enemy. He is passionate so his relationships are usually very intense with extreme highs and lows. He is rebellious in many aspects; he questions some doctrine in the LDS church and hates the self righteous atmosphere that Utah has crated. He loves to defy his parent’s authority and in years past has been a major headache for them. He listens to hard rock bands like Ozzy, Korn, 10 Years, and Rob Zombie. He is the life of the party and is always haunted by past temptations.

So now the only question left is, which person have you encountered? Have you met Brother Disraeli, the nice guy who for the most part feels like he gets walked on for being so nice. Or have you met Dis and peed your pants from the stupid funny things he says? I guess a good balance of the two people would be a good thing, but for now I struggle to keep them both in check and hope that in the course of taming both sides I have not offended or hurt people. Happy holidays my readers, may the gods bless you and help you in your struggles.

2008-11-04T12:44:00.000-08:00

I know, its been ages since I last blogged, and I did say that last time. And its not that I have been busy, sure there have been some major changes lately that have kept me from updating this, but come on... I have been on vacation for 3 weeks, so this was long over due.

To be honest the reason why I am even writing this is to get a few thoughts down that have been bugging at me these past few days. It is a lesson that I have learned that has cost me quite a while to understand, and even though I don't understand it completely, I feel like I have gotten much better at this little concept.

I have learned that sometimes in life, you can't always have it all. That's it, fairly simple right? Well it has taken most my life to figure out why this happens and to not be upset by it. Let me give you an example. The last few weeks as many of you know, I lost my job. I was laid off and was upset at first knowing that my future with my current company would come to an end. But the event forced me out of the comfort zone I had gotten into, and with some time, I saw many blessings come my way, one in particular that I prefer to keep private. But in the middle of all the turmoil, there seemed to be a light at the end.

I come to find out that I was wrong, and things weren't exactly going the way I had pictured them. Now my old self would have been upset, depressed, mad at the world, but I'm not. Yes I am sad that I had it all wrong, a little heartbroken, but the Lord knows whats best for me, and He gave me this great job opportunity and a huge opportunity to give back to my family and take care of them as they struggle in this horrible economy. I am not mad at my Father because He knows what is best for me, and one day at His time, not mine, that aspect of my life will be the way that I deserve it, and I put my faith in Him to continue guiding me. One of the many lessons learned is that we should always be grateful for what we have, part of being grateful is to acknowledge those blessings no matter how small they are. Also, when things seem to be horrible and depressing, they are never as bad as we make them out to be, remember that, remember that everything can be fixed and time heals and there will be a light at the end of the tunnel quicker if we stay positive through the darkness.

Well my readers, the moral of the story is this: Life is beautiful, it is not perfect by any means. Yes there will be heartbreak, and not just once. There will be trials and tribulation, there will be times where you feel you want to throw in the towel, and its not bad to feel that way. BUT, what is important is to figure out how to get out of those feelings and move on and thank Heavenly Father for those experiences, because they exist to make us better and are proof of His love. He will pull through for you, He loves you. God bless you all.

Dis

A Much Needed Update...

2008-09-10T09:29:00.000-07:00

Ok, so its been ages since I last blogged. Not because I don't have anything to say, but I have been busy trying to juggle so many things... maybe a small update is in place.

Well, life has been so insane lately, and I will share a few of the things that have been going on. But first, a small disclaimer: LOTS of things have been going on in my life lately, but some I will not make public because I either cherish them and want to keep them to a select few (sorry, the irony of it all is that if you read my posts most likely you are in the select few who know almost everything about me, but just in case...) or they are things I cant make public JUST yet. But anyway, here is the latest:

Church- Man oh man has life taken a completely new turn in this department. I haven't been this spiritually happy since I left Utah. Its been a rough year here in Arizona and those who know me know that I struggled for a few months, but I am happy to report that I am very much active and loving everything about it. I currently teach in the Elder's Quorum, a calling I have always loved... its not that I think I have things to teach, but I learn so much from having to prepare a lesson and looking for the Spirit to guide me, I love this calling. I am also the Fellowship dude, which reminds me that Heavenly Father must have a sense of humor... here I was complaining about not having anyone in Arizona and struggling to go to church everyday and feeling like the outcast, and He decides to put me in a spot to show that I wont do the same to others. I love Heavenly Father. Thank you for the opportunity :)

I also realize that just going Sundays to church is not enough anymore, I need some major help. So I have been going to FHE the last couple of times despite my fears and thoughts of cheesy white Mormons... but you know what? I have been enjoying it! Who would have thought? I can honestly say that I love my ward very very much. They are not like Utah Mormons, they really depend on each other for friendship and look for opportunities to hang and be around each other because they share the same values. I respect that so much and they have taught me that it doesn't matter if you are white or brown, rich or poor, cool or kinda dorky, trendy or a total slob, if you love the Lord and share the same values you are all brothers and sisters.

Then there is Institute. I went from teaching the Spanish Book of Mormon class to sitting in the English version on Tuesdays. If there is a place to feel old, its that class. Its filled with youngsters that look like they just graduated High School, but the teacher has a similar sense of humor as I do and it keep me going every Tuesday. I also enrolled in the Thursday evening class that so far I haven't had the chance to go to due to recent trips, but it is the Pearl of Great Price so I look forward to going tomorrow.

So that's the church update, and I feel its enough for today. But I leave you with a thought that has been on my mind the past few weeks. Life is what you make of it, most of the things around you, you will not be able to change no matter how hard you try. But what you can change is your attitude, the way that you see things, and the ability to ask the Lord to help you through everything. It is amazing what a little prayer and an attitude change can do for your happiness. You make your life what it is, just remember that you are never alone. God bless.

Dis

A letter to my future wife...

2008-07-17T14:31:00.000-07:00

As I sit here and think about where my life is headed, I realize that as much as I try to avoid it, you will one day cross my path. I have tried to stay away from you, I have tried to not think about you and to just focus on me, but I realize that one day you will step into my life and change everything and so I accept that and I want you to know a few things.

I promise to take care of you. I promise that for the rest of our lives and beyond, you will be the most important person in my life. Not my parents, our children, my boss, or anyone will take more importance in my life than you. You will always be the most important person and thing that happens to me and I will make that obvious every day. I will take care of you financially, I am hard working and I am doing well for my self so far. I am ambitious and if I have to, I will work two jobs and support the family. You will never know a day with me where I am not busting tail to provide for you.

I will always protect you. I promise you that in these arms, you will always feel safe and secure. No one will be able to bring harm to you because I will always do anything to keep you from that. In my arms you will find strength to fight for you, but you will also find comfort and warmth for those times you just need to be held.

I promise to spoil you. You will always be my queen and I will always treat you as such. I have learned so much babe, so many experiences that have helped me be better for you and I know that it will always be important to me that you feel spoiled in every way possible.

I will always listen to you. Those nights where you just want to talk about your day at work, or how the kids behaved, I will listen to you always and you will forever have a chatting companion when you are with me. I promise that I will not be annoyed when you just want to cuddle and talk. I promise that I will not make fun of your silly stories about shopping and the problems between you and your girlfriends, I will always take everything you say important and you won’t ever have to fight for my attention.

I am not perfect. I have a past and there are things in my life I am not proud of. But the Lord has forgiven me and if you can find it in your heart to forgive me as well, I promise you that all those things I have lived will be so I can be a better husband and father. They will serve me as experience to know how to handle situations in our family. I promise you that I have become a better man because of it. I know we will fight, I know we will argue, but I promise you that I will never go to bed upset, I will work it out with you all night if I have to.

And finally, I promise to always love you with everything that I have. I promise to always show you that I care for you and love you. My words will not be alone; my actions will always dictate my love for you and what you mean to me. Everyone around us will know that I adore you and will be so jealous of our relationship, but none of that will matter, what matters is that you will be the happiest you have ever been everyday of our lives and for all eternity.

I promise you all these things and wait anxiously your arrival. Your future husband,

Disraeli

The Truth Always Comes Out...

2008-07-09T16:26:00.000-07:00

I have noticed that I have turned this blog into a venting source rather than keeping track of my weight loss. I don’t know if it’s because I haven’t had too much to blog about as far as weight-loss is concerned, or that I am a whiny man who has a lot of issues to air out. All I know is that it feels great getting my thoughts and feelings out for the world to read!
This week I want to address the topic of telling the truth. It is such a simple concept but it is one of the hardest things that we as humans have to deal with, being truthful and honest in everything we do. We all lie, whether it’s a small fib or a double life, we all fall victims of this practice. I know I have.

When I was younger I lied to my parents, I lied about my grades, lied about skipping school, lied about breaking the mayo jar. I was a little hellion who had to cover up with stories that sometimes didn’t even make sense. I am not proud of it, although I would like to think that it was just my immature child in me that did all that, I tell myself that we all told a few lies here and there when we were kids.

As an adult I have found that the reasons why we lie have not changed much. Some people lie to make themselves look better. Some poor sap who hasn’t done anything in his life might show up at his high school reunion and say he is some big shot banker. We sometimes lie to cover our butts, like the woman who has been cheating on her husband and lies about who she was with the night before. Sometimes we lie because we are ashamed of the things we do, like that friend you all have who is hooked up with that girl no one likes and lies to everyone that he’s not with her but everyone knows he is. For whatever reason, we all lie, some less than others but we all do it. I know I have in my adulthood, lucky for me I admit to it so I have tried to do all I could to redeem myself for that.

Lying sucks, we do it and most of us feel bad about it, but when the thing about lying that I have learned is that the truth will always come out no matter what, and when it does it can hurt more than the lie itself. I have experienced that many times in my life, I have been lied to and then later on the truth comes out. I have lied and then later on had to confess and apologize. But some lies hurt more than others. Like for example, when I get married (which is not anytime soon) I hope that I can tell my future wife everything about my past, everything that might come up later that might hurt her, it’s her right to know. I have a shady past, I have made mistakes in my life, and I would want her to know everything so that if it ever comes up one day, she is not surprised. I would ask her to forgive me, as the Lord has forgiven me and if the truth was too much for her, then we would move on. But I most certainly would never lie to her, because a new family, a new married couple, cannot last based on lies. It just doesn’t work that way. My mother always told me that whatever starts bad, ends bad. It’s so true, so why start a new life, a new family based on lies?

We all make mistakes, it’s that natural man in us that surfaces and makes us do what we do, but we all have a part of our Heavenly Father with us as well, we are His children, literally. He sent His Son to die for our sins so that we may be with Him once again. If He has forgiven us, then that heavenly part inside us should be able to forgive others. But how can I be forgiven of what I have done if I keep it to myself? It is impossible, it can’t be done. My friends, I urge you that we pray for each other that we may be truthful at all times and that when we mess up, we have the strength to redeem and fix the wrongs we have done, but mostly, the strength and humility to forgive those who have wronged us. This world would be so much better if we were all like the innocent babies we once were. May God bless you all.

A Message To The Haters…

2008-07-03T12:09:00.000-07:00

Throughout my life I have noticed that there will always be people who hate who I am, hate what I do, and hate what I stand for. These people are the ones who gossip about you, who talk bad about you, and who try to make your life a living hell. But what’s worse than those people are those who you think are your friends, but behind your backs are the ones tearing you down, whether they know it or not.

Recently in my job there have been a few events that have made me question the relationships I have with people. The first big experience I had was my promotion to Assistant Regional Sales Manager. I was working in the call center for a little over a year when I was offered this promotion. Now, not many people get to make as big a jump as I did, and of course it was shocking to so many that I was offered the position. What most don’t know is that I have had a lot of previous experience which helped me land the job, not only that, but I had worked hard to earn a trip to Arizona a few months prior which helped me prove myself to my current boss, Jonathan Hallstrom. But anyway, let me tell you about my first experience.

When I was offered the job, so many people came out and told me not to take it. Everyone seemed to have this idea of Jonathan as being a tyrannical dictator and they all said I wouldn’t last long working with him. What blows my mind is that some of the people telling me not to take the job are people whom Jonathan speaks highly of. One thing I have learned from Jonathan is to be humble in the face of adversity. Jonathan knew of an individual who was speaking badly of him, and rather than calling him out, he humbled himself and wrote him an email letting him know how much he appreciated what he does and who he is, this taught me that in the end, those who make it a point to put down and degrade others, will have to face and answer for it in the end and it is not our job to call judgment upon them. We all make mistakes, we all have our bad days, and we all see the world differently. We may do or say things that ruin relationships with others, but that do not necessarily reflect on our character. It is amazing what a few rumors, miscommunication, and bad previous experiences can do for the reputation of an individual. Well, I am glad I didn’t listen to all those people. Today I can tell you that Jonathan has been the best boss I have ever had. He entrusts me with my job and lets me conduct my business as I see necessary, but also gives me guidance and is always there to help me. Not only that, but he has also become a dear friend of mine and I owe him so much for helping me in my dark times. The funny thing is, I interact with him every day, and those who speak negative of him don’t, so let’s do the math and figure out who is right in this equation…

My second experience with negativity is my own. Those who are reading this are probably Facebook friends of mine. You all know I love that damn thing! I love to keep in touch with everyone since I am far away, and I love to keep everyone posted on what I do, and yes, maybe shock you every once in a while. It’s what I do! If you are my Facebook friend, it is because you have been a part of my life in one way or another. But what makes me sad and hurt is that there have been rumors started because of my Facebook account. People see pictures, read my status, and they draw to conclusions without asking me or checking with me. Now, I am an open book. I have nothing to hide. I have one face and one face only. If you see something on my Facebook that makes you wonder what I do, ask me! I will tell you, I promise. But what I don’t like and what I won’t tolerate are rumors that go too far. I love my job, my job is tough but my job is rewarding. You can ask those who work with me, I put in long hours when needed, work from home off the clock, I do what I can and try to go beyond what is asked of me and my number one concern is to make my boss happy with my work. Which from what I understand, he is.

It is amazing that as a society we are so eager to listen to gossip and then turn around and spread it to others without taking the time to find out if it’s even true. Not only that, but why can’t we just be happy for others? Why can’t we look at all the positive things about an individual and remember that we are not perfect. It reminds me of some adversity Lance Armstrong went through, he is a guy who has done some amazing things in his life and people were saying he was using drugs, a reporter asked him to respond to allegations to doping and he said, “Everybody wants to know what I’m on. What I’m on? I am on my bike busting my ass off for 6 hours a day, what are you on?” I have success because I have worked for my success, I didn’t get the job because I knew somebody or slandered the name of other applicants, I got the job because of my hard work and being willing to stand out in a sea of other individuals and go above and beyond what was asked of me. What are you doing? You are sitting at work, gossiping about me, my boss, my region, sitting there on your set job, set schedule, you don’t have a cell phone ringing at all hours of the day and night, tying you to IPCs and you don’t get yelled at when people in Utah makes mistakes. Your job is not tied to revenue, your job is not tied to EBIT, your job is not like mine. So just like Lance, people ask me how I got my job. Because I am willing to bust my hump, 10-12 hours a day, day in day out, month in, month out, so next time you hear rumors about me or my region, stop and think of how much damage you are doing to us and remember that we are all on the same team.

So, to all those out there who think they know who I am, who judge me for things they see or hear, who start rumors and gossip and make assumptions on my life, both personal and professional… GET A LIFE! Get to your job, get to work, and stop ruining your name by spreading filth and dirt that you can’t prove. Remember that God will be our judge and has asked us to stop judging others. Remember that when we gossip, speak ill of others, we are hurting more than one person, we hurt ourselves as well. And the day will come when “their basket shall not be full, their houses and their barns shall perish, and they themselves shall be despised by those that flattered them.” D&C 121:20

A WHOLE new me, not just body...

2008-06-18T11:32:00.000-07:00

As I look back and think of what my life has been the past year, it is almost unbelievable what changes I have been through and what life has dished out for me. No two events in my life have been so life altering as my failed relationship with the person we will call “D” in this blog, and my job promotion and move to Glendale, Arizona.

Let’s start with the first one. TWO YEARS. I gave “D” two strong years of my life and loved her with ALL my heart. People who knew me when I was with her will not deny that I was madly in love and that I had devoted my life to her. The relationship was doomed from the beginning. Her family is the type of family who are so close to each other, that sometimes they don’t see that they suffocate each other. I learned more and more how these people think. Now, I do not want to turn this entry into a total compliant fest. I can see that they loved her and wanted the best for her, even though their love was quite conditional. I mean, they threatened her several times with disowning her; they threatened to kick her out of her house if she continued seeing me, and they even went as far as to bribe her with trips to Mexico, so she could stop seeing me. UNBELIEVABLE! Well, the relationship was doomed! My family, bless their hearts, had accepted her as my companion even though in their hearts, they knew she wasn’t the right person for me. But, because my family is very respectful of our decisions, they tried their best to love her and accept her, which was something her family never did and for that I will be forever grateful for the family that I have.

Well, after many fights, many ups and downs, lots and lots of harsh words exchanged, I finally grew a pair and decided to stand up for myself and stop the abuse. Looking back at everything, I was pretty much used. Used for money, gifts, affection, attention, used in so many ways. So many people around me warned me of this, I shut them down, I burned bridges, friendships were ruined, even family relationships took a strain, all to defend the honor and love I had for a woman who was never in love with me, just the idea of being in love. But I got out, I made the decision and stuck by it and was officially done with her in December, even though around Christmas time she still tried to get me to talk to her family and stay together… I suspect she was looking for a Christmas present.

Well now I learn that she is engaged and will be married in September! Incredible! This blew my mind, I mean, I knew she was with this guy and I always knew it wouldn’t take her long to find someone else, even though she always claimed that if she couldn’t be with me, she would never fall in love again. But hey, we all say things we will take back one day, I know I have. But she is getting married in September? That just blows my mind that she could be over ever between us and have room in her heart to fall in love again and be sure she wants to get married after telling me for 2 years I was her one and only. Well, I hope this guy is wonderful and he is everything I couldn’t be for her (mainly that he is Caucasian, and I am not, BIG plus in her family!) I hope that she learned her lessons with me and she is a better person and God blessed her with this new guy and she fell head over heels and they will be happy ever after, I truly wish that for her even though everyone who knows us, know that she is doomed to fail and one more guy is going to be added to the list of heart’s she destroyed.

So why am I blogging all this? Why complain and air out all my grievances? Well, the blog I started was to have a whole new Dis and last night I realized that part of the change I need to make to be a whole new person is that I have to TRULY let go. I know that I am 100% over her as a person because she was never good for me. Everyone around me knew she wasn’t and even my mom now, thanks me that I am not with her anymore and my father is happier than ever. But even though I am 100% over her as a person, I am not 100% over the situation. There is still some pain and some regrets in my heart that need to be out before I can live a full normal life. So by writing this all down and letting people know about it, because, let’s be honest, if you are reading this huge entry you are either super bored and have time to do so, or you really care about me and my life and wish me the best. So, I am turning all my troubles to those around me who care about me, and turning in all my pains to my Savior and it’s time to move on 100% I am stronger because of the experiences I have lived. I have learned many valuable lessons that I will cherish for the rest of my life. I refuse to let some little confused girl ruin my life, I am better than that. I know who I am and I know the blessings that my Father has for me and I refuse to give in to a person who didn’t even want to baptize our children at the age of 8! It’s time to move on 100%, it’s time to fill my life with good activities, good people, nothing but love for me, because after it’s all said and done, the person who can control my life more than anyone is me, and I chose to live my life to the fullest, live by the Gospel, and be as happy as my Heavenly Father wants me to be.